“Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.” Remember that? When I was a child that was one of the first prayers I learned and it became a nightly ritual, little me giving Source a heads up that I was off to dreamland but not before placing my soul in safekeeping. For all the things I had, toys, a bike, my dolls, books…the one thing I knew I couldn’t live without and treasured most was my soul.
Fast forward decades. The ritual is the same give or take. The prayers are more elaborate, covering more ground: family, finances, health, life purpose, forgiveness, yearning, release. But the most valuable prize, the one thing I was born with and know will never leave me is my soul. All else is ebb and flow. Relationships, even the closest with children or mates, shift. People get caught up in themselves, with good reasons they are not front and center in our lives. Kids grow up and move away. Mates look in mirrors and wonder how time passed so quickly. People get in their own heads. I’m guilty too.
Within those periods of change or separation are moments when we are forced to take stock of what’s in our control and what isn’t. What matters and what we can and should release. How we can alter our course and our thoughts so resentment or loneliness or, worse of all, fear doesn’t set in. The “toys” are larger and more costly now. Cars, homes, travel clubs, clothing and jewels. Men love their footwear, women their handbags, labels are vitamin boosts for we consumers of a culture that dictates what matters most. A culture that makes us forget what really matters most.
For years, I thought I was a failure for not staying married or finding The One to marry again. For years, I’ve second guessed my parenting skills while watching my child grow up, up and away, having shifted from a primary part of their life to occasional check-ins and hugs on holidays. There are days when I feel like I have everything I need and nothing I want, when I think I need to clean house when it already feels empty. Dating is a fruitless band aid, longing for a past that served only to get me to this present seems silly. So what am I left with? My soul.
Decades after that simple prayer, I am reminded of the very thing I cannot lose, I cannot get wrong, I cannot feel judged or abandoned by, I cannot separate from. My soul is reliable and knows, start to finish, why I was born and what lessons I chose to learn in this lifetime. My soul reminds me that we all serve a higher purpose and all else, the things and people and milestones, are mile markers along the way. It is the one thing we own, the one thing that is ours to keep.
So when I go to sleep and upon waking, and as I move through the days, weeks, months, years, my focus and gratitude is becoming more singular and less distracted by life’s bells and whistles. I feel safe knowing my soul is full and present and all this time I have been dreaming wide awake.
The Spiritual Life 