You First!

img_8654WHO ARE YOU?

One of the most refreshing yet challenging things about relationships is how they serve to reinforce or deconstruct you. They can even do both which is good if, like me, you go through stages where you need to deconstruct old habits and patterns (ever attract the same wrong type of person again and again??), and reinforce your beliefs about self worth and joy as a natural state of being.

Now, writing that was easy. Living it, however, takes more than a notion. For one thing, when we enter relationships we want them to work. We set intentions to put our best foot forward and cut the other person some slack. We tell ourselves nobody’s perfect even while sizing up a potential mate physically. Intellectually, spiritually, etc. And invariably there comes a point of difference if not disagreement. It could be about money, raising kids, faith and styles of worship, even something as simple as having a sense of style, period.

When we reach those crossroads in relationships, we have options. We can bulldoze, essentially giving our partner a my way or the highway message about how right we are and always will be. But that’s a sure path to “On to the Next One…” We can cave in, pushing our true feelings aside in an effort to keep the peace, the flow, and even just to keep the person. But sooner or later, you will look into the mirror and be startled at the sad eyes staring back at you, the slumped shoulders and totally unenthused version of your former fine ass self. God forbid.

We can also choose to fully embrace truth, our own first and foremost, as well as our partner’s. We can’t be afraid to be judged or to lose out on love because if someone doesn’t really “get you” they’ll never be able to keep you. And if you genuinely feel a disconnect with them but try to bandage it with sex or gasping for the oxygen of relationship goals, just go ahead and shoot your big toe. Less pain in the long run.

But imagine what it feels like to be loved for your authenticity, your fearlessness and confidence! Imagine looking another person square in the eye and stretching toward, not against each other. What if the scariest thing – becoming vulnerable – leads you to the best thing that ever happened? It’s doable and real. But a lot depends on you being you, in a state of peace, a constant state of growth and having an unerring willingness to blend self love with love of another. That’s some serious gumbo. Start cooking:)))

Till next time…💜

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